1. THERE IS ONE SACRED SIGN

    THAT THE WORLD

    IS ABOUT TO END:

    WHEN YOU ARE WORKING

    YOUR ASS OFF

    BUT CAN’T AFFORD

    TO BUY TOILET PAPER

    TO WIPE YOUR ASS CLEAN.

 

2. BOTTLED APOCALYPSE

    IS RELIGION’S SECOND

    BEST-SELLING PRODUCT

    AFTER CANNED HELL.

 

3. WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU

    IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD

    TELL THAT PERSON TO SHOW

    HIS OR HER GOOD FAITH

    BY LENDING YOU

    A THOUSAND DOLLARS.

 

4. WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU

    IT IS THE END OF THE WORLD

    BE A PERFECT GENTLEMAN

    AND HUMOR HIM BY

    BLOWING HIS BRAINS OUT!

 

5. IF SOMEONE TELLS YOU

    THAT THE WORLD IS

    ABOUT TO END

    BE POLITE ENOUGH

    BY SLASHING YOUR WRIST

    IN FRONT OF HIM.

 

6.YESTERDAY I GAVE

   A  DOLLAR TO A MAN

   WHO TOLD ME THAT

   IT IS THE END 

   OF THE WORLD.

   TODAY ANOTHER MAN

   GAVE ME TWO DOLLARS

   AFTER I WHISPERED

   IN HIS WHORLED EAR

   THAT IT IS THE END

   OF THE WORLD.

   VERILY FEAR IS ALWAYS

   A PROFITABLE

   AND THRIVING BUSINESS.

 

 7. WHEN A FORTUNE TELLER

     STARTS TELLING YOU

     THAT ALL THE LINES 

     IN YOUR PALM 

     ARE BAD, IT IS AN OMEN

     THAT YOU SHOULD

     DOUBLE YOUR FEE

     AND LO! ALL YOUR LINES

     WILL MAGICALLY TRANSFORM

     TO GOOD LUCK!

 

8. YESTERDAY I SLIPPED

     ON A BANANA PEEL

     AND FOUND A DOLLAR.

     TODAY I SLIPPED

     ON A DIME AND FOUND

     MYSELF IN THE HOSPITAL!

 

9. WHEN YOU SEE A BAD OMEN

    BAD LUCK COMES YOUR WAY.

    WHEN YOU SEE A GOOD OMEN

    BAD LUCK STILL COMES TO YOU.

    WHY? BECAUSE EVERYONE

    BORN ON THIS EARTH

    IS A BORN LOSER.

 

10. IT IS BETTER TO COUNT

      YOUR EGGS BEFORE THEY HATCH

      AND LOSE THEM THAN

      TO SIT ON THE EGGS YOURSELF

      UNTIL THEY HATCH.

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